Like shooting stars!

My eyes hurt. I suppose that's really the main indication that I'm tired... my eyes just start getting heavy and its hard for me to keep them open..... but I really don't want to go to sleep. Going to sleep means tomorrow has arrived. I don't want it to be tomorrow. I don't want time to keep passsing. I don't want to do all of the things I have to do.

I wish the good moments didn't have to end. Why does everything have to end?

I just want to lay here... and keep listening to the song "Operate" by Peaches on repeat....

I wish I had a camera... because I think I look dead sexy right now.... but maybe its just the raspberry vodka goggles talking. haha, does that even happen that way on yourself? It's weird... I swear I'm the same person but I feel like sometimes I look amazing... and sometimes I look like shit. I think its the same in photos of me. Sometimes I look like a completely different person. Maybe that happens to everyone though? Is it weird to be attracted to yourself? I'm definitely attracted to myself right now... gosh... that just sounds weird.

I need to get rid of this mirror in my room.


These are someone else's personal accounts of both depression and hypomania... they seem pretty accurate to how I feel sometimes.

Depression:

"I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless. I am haunted with the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?"

Hypomania:

"At first when I'm high, it's tremendous...ideas are fast...like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear...all shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there...uninteresting people, things, become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria...you can do anything...but, somewhere this changes."

Okay... I finally changed songs... now I keep listening to "Kennedy" by Kill Hannah

In Child Development classes we learn about how young kids are very egocentric.. and have a difficult time understanding other people's points of view...

I wonder if that means I never fully developed... because there are a lot of things I just don't understand about other people.

I have a difficult time understanding how sometimes people simply don't enjoy the same music I enjoy. How can they not? It's fabulous... that goes for many things other than music... like food, people, movies, humor.. etc.

Now I'm listening to "Post Blue" by Placebo

Yes, I'm definitely in a bizarre mood right now... and I don't know why I feel it so necessary to keep announcing the names of the songs I'm listening to... it's really because I just think they're so fabulous at the moment....

Did you know that the word bizarre is one of the few words in the English language that comes from Basque origin.

And the final song I will leave you with is "Where is my mind" by Placebo

ok. enough. Here is another Calvin and Hobbes quote. Yes, Calvin and Hobbes is my hero.

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness." - Calvin and Hobbes