I just don't know.

I feel trapped. I feel like I'm in an empty room and I could scream and scream as loud as I want and no one hears me.

I have been laying in my bed all day, wallowing in self pity. I feel utterly disgusted with myself. The only thing I have eaten thus far is a pepperidge farm chocolate caramel cookie. I don't even want them anymore. My mouth feels gross, and they aren't sitting well in my stomach but for some reason I just keep eating them, as if eating a cookie was going to make everything better.

I feel like I'm a burden. Like I'm just annoying everyone. I'm trying hard not to. I just don't even know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm a waste of space, just sucking the life energy around anyone and everyone around me. I can only pretend to be happy for so much longer. Sometimes I'm not pretending, sometimes I feel I really am, but there are very few moments where I think "this moment is perfect, there isn't anywhere I'd rather be or anything I'd rather do, I am completely content just where I am doing what I'm doing." Lately it feels like the time is my biggest enemy. Every time I look at the clock my stomach drops, I know that time just keeps passing and I just keep wasting it. Life just keeps going and moving forward and I'm stuck. I can't keep up with it. I keep waiting for something to happen. Something to change. Some kind of answer.

I just don't know.

I just don't know.