Overanalyzing

I haven't had time to write.
I have too much to write that I don't even know where to begin.

These are both excuses which I am using to explain why I have not written since before I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. Yes, my last entry was before I ended up in the hospital.

So much has happened so fast that I don't even know where to begin. But it doesn't really matter. I can't write everything in one day, and as much as I like to share my life with others this journal is for me, so if my writing is all jumbled up and out of chronological order. Tough. =)

Right now at this very moment I am happy. I am very happy. No, not manic happy. Just truly happy. I just came back from yoga class and my body feels good. I feel awake and energized, not tired and lethargic. I am sitting here writing, getting my thoughts out and I am learning to let go of all the countless thoughts that are the death of me.

Yes. I have figured it out, although I already knew it all along. My tendency to overanalyze EVERYTHING is the ultimate impediment to my happiness. Sometimes its okay to overanalyze. But I overanalyze to the point where I overanalyze why I overanalyze and the reasons why I overanalyze that which I overanalyze. Yes. I was overanalyzing the future so much that I feared for the day my cat would die. Every sad thing that happened in my life I would overanalyze to the point that I would get extremely depressed. I would overanalyze every stressful thing to the point that I would get extremely stressed out. My only two classes right now are yoga and bodyworks, and I was still super stressed out. Its not my life that is/was so stressful, its the way I was coping with it. Or, wasn't coping with it. And I am learning to cope.

I used to think that they would just give me a magic pill and I would be better,and that there just was no pill for me. That I was just messed up, and there was nothing that could be done. Now I realize the answer. Medication can help, but I also need to learn to help myself. Everything is mental, you can even learn to control things like pain. The physical is not a completely separate entity from the mental. They are connected. I just need to learn how to control it better.

Like how I just overanalyzed the way I am?

Yes. Its okay though sometimes. Sometimes you just have to get it out. Which is why writing can be so therapeutic. If you just let it out, then you can give it a rest, and it can stop "spinning" in your mind.

This is enough for this entry. I will write more later.

I love everyone who has helped me so much. This process has really made it clear to me who my real friends are, who the people who matter are, and know that I am always here for every one of you too.

Love,
Irene